"Isn't It Fun To Pretend?"
To say to you all the things that I’ve been thinking,
All the while that I’ve been thinking,
Would be to say all the things
I’ve been thinking I couldn’t say.
While, all the while,
All it required
Was for me to stop thinking
To be the person I’ve pretended to be
Would be pretending to pretend
That I am no longer pretending
And that, with the end of my pretense,
We would become
What others are pretending to be,
And that which we pretended didn’t matter.
While all the while
Our pretense was more real than
We were or could ever be.
To hear you say the words that you’ve been saying-
That you have all the while been saying-
Would be to hear all the words
I’ve been hearing
Even when you haven’t been saying them.
Because all the while
I knew I required you
And all the while you lied
And I was thinking,
‘Isn’t it fun to pretend?’
Ever AfterThis path somehow seems familiar
Have I been here before?
I followed the bread crumbs – turned mold
Down a yellow brick road
Where are you taking me?
Around turns and bends
Under branches and over roots
Careful not to fall –
For the truth…
I Quit...!I'm hurting...AgainYou hurt me again!When will this end?Why did it begin?What can I doTo avoid hurting again?
I thought you were goodI thought you were pureBut you're more like Muddy water That settles & deceives.You are a liarAnd you play your role to perfectionEvery step, every wordIs careful deception.
You don't belong in my worldYou only pretended to belongAnd you were so well blended I almost didn't realize how wrongYou were for me...
By then,It was too late. You had dug your claws inAnd, save for the jaws of life,I don't think I'll ever be freeYour talons may even linger with mePost Separation Pain...I can't erase you off the face of this EarthBut I'll still try to erase your face.
You hurt me for long enoughAnd I thought I had deserved it somehowThat I had doneOr not doneSomething to earn your disgustBut what have I doneThat was so utterly wrong?
I shouldn't have to make excuses for your truthI shouldn't have to get used to your abuseYou
ToolYou are a tool
This is not to say that all men are tools
But the way you have allowed yourself to be used
I can call you nothing more fitting
Than a tool.
You have made yourself
The Knife, stabbing me in the back.
And the flame
Searing away my very last nerve,
Your words weren’t your own
But they came from your mouth.
The arrow did not come from your quiver
But was still shot
Sure and true
From your bow…
You have been a tool
Time and time again
And I have tried to save you
But you would rather hammer
The nails into my coffin
Than build your esteem…
You could have been the needle
With that stitch, just in time
But you chose to be the scissors
Cutting my life line.
You are a tool.
Had you been aware of what you were doing
I may have thought differently of you
But instead of being the man behind,
You were the gun.
This may not have been
The way you started out
But it’s who you’ve become –
I mean, ‘what’ you’ve become
Rest In Peace...So you may rest in peace,
I will breathe
For every breath you can't.
I will love
For every moment you won't.
For every joke you
Could have told
But never will.
And I'll cry
You never did.
Don't worry about me
I'll be fine over here
You just rest...
Without You...The sky is darker than I remember,
Were the stars always that far away and small?
They don't shine tonight, glowing dimmer than embers,
Was the moon always that lonely, and those trees so tall?
I'm so scared, I know I'm alone
But without you here
I feel as if the darkness of this night
Will steal my tears away
Before they can fall
Before they, too, can run away from me...
Was the night always this dark?
The noises form a giant I can't see,
But somehow still, he's chasing me.
Now there is no hand to hold,
No arm to squeeze my emotions into,
No warmth to steal into my frigid body...
Did it all disappear into the void of this night?
Re: The Greener Grass...I used to be jealous of friendships like yours
I used to want one so badly
I wanted to be on the inside
With everyone surrounding me
Until one day when I was inside...
And I realized that everyone surrounding me
Was out to get me
Or get something from me
They wanted to suffocate me...
With no escape
I was in your shoes
And they were glued to the floor
No place to run.
So now when I see you
Smiling in the middle of your crowd
I don't envy you
With your multitude of friends
I like my solitude...
Someone wise once told me
Useless things like
"Be careful what you wish for"
And "not all that glitters is gold"
But the thing is...
I'll wish because I'm curious
And sometimes gold glitters
And other times, I just want something to shine...
All that really matters
Is that I'm happy where I am
Because I know that if I'm not,
I'll want everything I don't have
And I'll stay unhappy forever...
To An Old Flame...Seems like every time you return
You take a piece of me and burn
The edges off my natural self
Now there's only ashes left.
And every time you say you want what's best
I just feel like I end up with your rejects
I'm starting to wonder why they say I'm blessed,
They don't see the ashes you left.
Seems like every time you're here
I lose another piece of myself
I'm starting to wonder if I'll have any of me left
When you leave again...
Will there even be ashes left?
My Last Memory of You...My last memory of
You is my first memory of you
Well...it's my collection of memories
That I've stacked away
Under the label of
"This is what love is supposed to look like"
And I know you don't remember
Because you left me behind long ago
But that's fine
All I need is this memory.
My last memory of you is a collage,
All of them running together
On the canvas like a stop motion film
I remember smiling a lot...
But these days
My memory's fading
I can't remember your face
Or your laugh
Or the words you used to say
I remember my blue sweater
But it's gone and so is the memory
Explaining how we got in trouble because of it.
I think I remember it being a funny story...
The kind you'd tell to your grandkids
But you don't even think of me anymore
And we won't be growing old together
So I guess that's why I forgot...
I remember the day I went to school
And heard that you had moved away...
The year that followed was the most miserable...to my recollection
But it's all become a
Words Are Powerful ThingsYou’re so angry
You let words swarm up inside.
Screaming to get out.
They yell and shout.
They sit there,
Turning into horrid things that should never be even whispered,
In the softest tone.
You get so angry
Cause you’re so afraid.
Like so many other people
You let your fear burst into rage.
The monstrous words inside of you
Refuse to remain in their cages.
You let those words escape your lips,
All of the sudden you feel like your words have killed someone.
As you see their face.
Words are suddenly bullets.
They’ve pierced your victim’s heart.
Fragments of a once pretty, friendship scatter on the floor.
The pieces so broken, I doubt you could find all of the shards to make it whole again.
There’s a slamming of a door.
Whether that be real,
Or just a metaphor.
To say you’ve been locked out,
From this once dear friend of yours.
I hope one day.
You’ll find better words
To form a key.
So you can find your way back to them.
I am LostMy thoughts are orcas
Trapped in bathtubs.
Within microcosms -
Stuck, glued tight,
Melting like Dali's clock,
In a cock fight
With my conscience.
Sometimes I forget
All that regret
Burning through -
A pain so forever
That I hardly ever
Feel it anymore.
A cut so deep and quick
That it stops -
Time is static -
Before it bleeds.
Fluttering in the wind.
So much to see.
My heart is vacant,
My lungs made of lead
And both are my enemies
Because I'd rather be dead.
But no I wouldn't.
I'm fake, made of a paper -
A corporate rock whore -
And I don't know
What I stand for.
But maybe I don't have to
Stand for anything -
A word without a definition
Still leaves a mark
On pure paper.
A meaningless spark
Can still become a fire.
A tickle of love
Can still become desire.
untitledthere are a thousand
unwritten love letters in your eyes
now I keep thinking about
and the color green
all I know is that
my skull's been
warriors traversing well worn paths
boots leaving tracks across
chests and necks
and it's comfortable
it's not like drowning
more like slowly lowering
into hot bathwater
and we are just skin and cosmos
bodies and words
our tongues landlocked
we are adrift in
our own little sea
we've plucked our wings
and now we can't fly
tell me the truth
that the sky's overrated
I'd rather be with you
on the ground
or buried beneath it
skeletons entwined truthfully
I've always thought heaven was
a pretty sort of lie
but I've read a book or two
or people's idea of it
and I disagree with myself
popping thought balloons
on the idea that heaven
is in the way your eyes
fold origami swans when you smile
that shitty laugh
that hollow above your heart
like your chest's caving i
Happy Songs on the RadioI don't write about happy things.
I don't listen to songs about romance.
I can't feel what the artist is singing so passionately about.
The longing to know what it's like makes me want to scream and shout.
The way people write and lace words together,
About how happy and perfect they see the world.
Has always been a stranger to me.
I wish I could see,
The way you did.
I really do.
I wish I could feel the same way as you.
To be able to hear the lyrics,
'I love you'
And picture someone to match those three words.
I wish I could hear these songs,
About how everything is perfect.
Absolutely nothing is wrong.
But I can't.
I hear those songs and I feel empty.
Because I can't feel what they're saying.
And I keep listening,
But I am just wasting my time
Trying but failing to relate.
When I hear the songs on the radio.
They make me squirm in my seat.
I feel happy but sad.
Something so bitter sweet.
Because part of me feels so happy for the person.
Who sings so happily.
But another, darker half.
When the Sun RisesI miss the way you used to be.
I miss the way you'd smile at me.
How the joy would make the corners of your eyes crinkle.
You'd laugh softly.
Shaking your head,
I miss that.
How real it sounded.
I listened to you now,
And that old little light melody of laughter is no where to be found.
You still laugh
But your smile doesn't quite reach your eyes.
I don't think I've ever met someone with such sad,
As you look upon yourself
And you can't help but despise what you see.
You used to walk,
With your head held high.
You don't anymore
You keep them glued to the floor.
Scared to acknowledge your train wreck of a life
That lays before you.
I still think you're beautiful though.
Even if you're growing faint
Like a sunset,
Falling into the darkness of the night.
With each slowly fading ray of light.
You're still perfect, and make people stop and stare in awe.
But just like the sun sets.
And you get pulled under into the dark of the night.
When all of your light is gone
remember,when i was your lioness and
we ruled the world with
scattered light and
after all this time, i
still stay up late thinking of you,
pinching myself awake to keep the image of you in my head
until i hear you sing me to sleep.
we all have our demons, i was always yours.
waking up with bruises on my arms in an empty bed,
the devil inside of me whispers that it's not over yet, and
he pumps turbulence from my carved open heart into my saltwater blood
i feel every half-healed scar split op
en to bleed yet again.
wanting you is wanting the safety of the stars
when i'm already in free fall (into the grave).
my siren, i was born to die but you loved me into a phoenix.
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